The Most Pretentious Chocolate Bar, Ever.

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HOW TO EAT AN EXOTIC CANDY BAR:

See… Firstly, there should be a glossy shine to the chocolate bar, this shows a good temper; rather, a tight bond between the cocoa butter and the cocoa mass.

Smell… Rub you thumb on the chocolate to help release the aromas. Smell the exotic spices, florals, caramel notes and tropical fruits as they dance in the bouquet.

Snap… Quality chocolate should always be dry to the touch. Break the bar into two pieces. You should hear a crisp, ringing snap, which indicates a well-tempered bar of chocolate.

Taste… Place the chocolate on your tongue and press it to the roof of your mouth. Within thirty seconds, the chocolate should slowly begin to melt around your tongue. The taste should not be evanescent, it should have a long, lingering finish that is layered with spices, black fruits, earthy cacao, tree nuts, and whispers from the Aztecs.

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2 responses »

  1. This, mark you, from a citizen of Hershey Bar country – “chocolate” that tastes as though somebody has already eaten it.

  2. Bite me, D. I didn’t invent paraffin… I mean american chocolate.

    Seriously. That label is ridiculous. “…whispers from the Aztecs”?

    The chocolate was awesome, though.

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