No, today isn’t getting any better,

Standard

but thank you for asking.

I’m having one of those “Life is so futile/What’s the point of anything?” sort of days. Which, in a way, is productive as it tends to slam you head on into the wall of What the Hell Are You Going To Do With Yourself? But on a Tuesday afternoon, I don’t know if I particularly feel like peeling myself off of said wall. I don’t really feel like doing much at all. I find myself wondering lately, “Is this all there is?” I mean, can I really be this jaded and… bored with everything at age 23? I’d like to think that there’s more out there, there is more out there, isn’t there? And it’s not that I’m not happy with things, certain things, i mean. I’m angry as hell about having to find a new job. I feel like it’s really unfair that they let me go when (at least in my opinion, and from a purely business-ly standpoint) there were other less-qualified, less-skill having people that they could have let go and kept me on.

Yes. I am bitter. Thank you for noticing.

I just hate change. Passionately and without end. Positively loathe it.

What I need right now is for Thom Yorke to sing me into pretty oblivion, but naturally, there are no radiohead cd’s at my desk, no one else here listens to them, my apartment is too far away to run and get one and i’m not in the financial place to randomly go out and spend $17 on a cd i already own.

My heart feels like Let Down.

One day, I am going to grow wings

a chemical reaction

hysterical and useless

Why am I crying again? I refuse to blame it on hormones (which it probably is) but dammit! that’s such a cop out. I hate the powerlessness when it comes.

In a little while

I’ll be gone

The moment’s already passed

Yeah it’s gone

And I’m not here

This isn’t happening

I’m not here

I’m not here

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